No
by Neuropsych
Summary: This is the chapter I posted to my Avenger's story to mess with my readers for April Fool's day. Not everyone had a chance to read it, so I was asked to put it up. One shot, just for fun


"What are you doing?"

Barry looked up at Bruce, and then back down at the magazine in his hands.

"Deciding what kind of car I want to buy…"

The billionaire took the magazine from his young friend and frowned. It wasn't an Auto Trader magazine. The cars in the magazine were ultra luxury, and very expensive. Bruce knew; he had most of them in his garage.

"How are you planning on paying for it?" he asked, the corner of his mouth quirking in a half-smile. "Robbing a bank?"

The boy gave him a look, and the smile on Bruce's face faded.

"No."

"Why not? It'd be so easy… I pop in, _swoosh_, pop out with a bag of cash. Or even better a couple bars of gold."

"Gold is heavy. It'd slow you down."

"Cash, then."

"No." The billionaire scowled. "You can't rob a bank, Barry. That isn't what your powers are for."

"I know. But they could be. Once. I'd only need to do it once, I imagine."

"No."

"Come on, Bruce. One time. For my Christmas present?"

"Why don't I just buy you one of these cars for your Christmas present?"

"It's not the same thing."

"No," Bruce agreed. "Because it's _legal_."

The boy groaned and stood up, his very demeanor frustration personified.

"Didn't you ever want to be the bad boy?" he asked. "Do something _wrong_? Just once?"

"I have," he pointed out. "They call me the _Dark Knight_, remember?"

"Was it exciting?"

"No."

"You're just saying that because I want to be the dark knight, too…"

"That title's taken."

"Dark Flash, then."

Wayne rolled his eyes.

"I think you're _bored_. Why don't we go find something to do to take your mind off robbing a bank?"

"Like what?"

"A movie?"

"About a bank robbery?"

"Fine. Not a movie. A ball game? Ice skating?"

"Seriously?" he asked, a little annoyed. "Do I really give the impression that I can _sit still_ that long?"

"No. I suppose not. What do _you_ want to do?"

"Rob a ba-"

"Besides _rob a bank_."

Jeeez.

The boy's eyes lit up. It normally was endearing, but Bruce suddenly decided that there was just a bit of naughtiness in the expression.

"We could go find hookers."

"What?"

"It's _Gotham_. There are plenty to choose from, right? That'd probably fix my problem."

"And give you a huge array of _new_ ones," Bruce told him. "I'd suggest you choose a movie or ball game, first."

"I'm open to suggestions."

"What's going on?"

They both looked over and saw Diana walk into the room. She was frowning, recognizing immediately that Barry and Bruce seemed to be in the middle of a serious conversation.

"Nothing," Barry said, immediately, blushing.

"He wants to go rob a bank," Wayne told her. He didn't have any problem telling her what was going on, He wasn't the one who wanted to break the law, after all. "Can you believe that?"

She frowned, looking at the boy, who tossed Bruce an annoyed look.

"Why? Do you need rent?"

"No."

"Food?"

"No, I have that, too."

"I'm sure Bruce could give you money."

"He could."

"I could," Bruce agreed. "He wants to do it to be the bad boy."

"The bad boy… Like _Arthur_?"

Barry's eyes lit up.

"Yeah. Like that."

He should have mentioned the bank robbery thing to _him_. He'd have probably helped him pick out which one to rob.

She smiled.

"That would be a very bad idea, Barry."

"Why? I could get in and out and no one would get hurt."

"But then what?"

"I buy a new car."

"And then?"

"Drive it."

"But then what? Do you spend all that money and then rob another bank to buy more gas for your car? Pay your insurance – which would probably be a lot of money. Buy a guard to keep watch on it overnight so no one steals it?"

He frowned, clearly thinking that through.

"No. I suppose not."

"Money isn't always as great as it seems to be," she told him. "Ask Bruce."

They both looked at him, and the billionaire hesitated, caught by surprise by the statement.

"Uh… yeah. Money's not _that_ great."

"Says the guy who has _all_ of it."

"You can't rob a bank," Diana said, firmly. "You can't break the law, at all."

"Aw, come on, Diana… just one time? Something little? Something no one will care about."

"No _hookers_," Bruce said, quickly, before his mind could go that direction, again.

Diana looked over, scowling.

"What? He mentioned it before you came in."

"No hookers," she agreed.

"Why don't you go jaywalk?"

"I do that all the time," Barry pointed out.

Did they seriously think he waited for a light to change?

"Maybe Alfred could think of something…?"

"Oh, right," Barry said, sarcastically. "I'll go up to Alfred and ask him which law I should break today. _That_ would be a quick conversation."

"Fine." Bruce was done with the conversation. "Go do something – _do not rob a bank_ – and get yourself into a little trouble. Find a hooker. Find a dozen of them – they don't call you Flash for nothing, right? Just be careful."

Barry smiled, surprised enough that he ignored the reference to being the flash – at least like Bruce had insinuated.

"Really?"

"Yup."

"You don't mind?"

"Of course, I do. But go and do it, anyway."

The boy looked at him for a while, as if trying to decide if he meant it, or if it was a trick. Then he looked at Diana, who looked equally surprised at Wayne's response.

"Okay."

He was gone, immediately, of course, and Diana scowled.

"Are you out of your mind?"

"No."

"He's going to get himself in trouble. You know that, right?"

"Probably."

"Then why-"

"Because he's a _boy_, Diana. He needs to be allowed to sow those wild oats of his, right? To spread his wings. To taste the sweet nectar of rebellion and-"

"You're going to call Superman, aren't you?" she interrupted.

"Of course, I am."

"Smart."

"Yeah."


End file.
